2024-03-28 HOW MUCH FOR A SIGNED COPY?

The Greatest Self-Parodist of All Time has been self-parodying like mad, hawking the $59.99 God Bless the USA Bible. Here’s the ad copy, annotated, but for best effect, read along with him as he says these words.

“I’m proud to be partnering with my very good friend Lee Greenwood — who doesn’t love his song ‘God Bless the USA’? [everyone reading this] — in connection with promoting the God Bless the USA Bible.

“This Bible is the King James version and also includes our Founding Father documents [well, that’s new]. Yes, the Constitution, which I’m fighting for every single day, very hard [to get rid of] to keep Americans protected. Also the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, and the Pledge of Allegiance are all part of this God Bless the USA Bible [the unification of church and state] and it’s very important to me. I wanna have a lot of people have it, you have to have it for your heart, for your soul [giggling now as I type this]. Many of you have never read them [like he ever has] and don’t know the liberties and rights you have as Americans, and how you are being threatened to lose those rights [and remind me again who’s threatening my rights].

“It’s happening all the time, it’s a very sad thing [yes, sad, he seems so very SAD about it, so bereft, he’s a wizard at feigning empathy] that’s going on in our country, but we’re gonna get it turned around. Religion and Christianity are the biggest things missing from this country [along with some top secret documents] and I truly believe that we need to bring them back and we have to bring them back fast. I think it’s one of the biggest problems we have [but definitely not the very biggest].

“That’s why our country is going haywire [again with the projection — he’s going haywire]. We’ve lost religion in our country. All Americans need a Bible in their home and I have many. It’s my favorite book [no way you’re not laughing now]. It’s a lot of people’s favorite book.

“This Bible is a reminder that the biggest thing we have to bring back America and to make America great again is our religion. Religion is so important. It’s so missing but it’s gonna come back and it’s gonna come back strong just like our country’s gonna come back strong [that’s Trump talking, so rest easy — he’s never wrong about anything, ever].

“In the end we do not answer to bureaucrats in Washington, we answer to God in Heaven. Christians are under siege. [Can someone please help these poor white Christian victims?] We must protect content that is pro-God. We love God, and we have to protect anything that is pro-God [man here is definitely anti-anti-God]. We must defend God in the public square and not allow the media or the left-wing groups to silence, censor, or discriminate against us [and shoot them all in the legs, can’t you do that?]

“We have to bring Christianity back into our lives, and back into what will be again a great nation. Our Founding Fathers did a tremendous thing when they built America on Judeo-Christian values [no way he wrote that part]. Now that foundation is under attack, perhaps as never before. What can we do? Stand up, speak out [Stand Back and Stand By] and pray that God will bless America again.

“I’m proud to endorse and encourage you to get this Bible [proud to scam you in such a deeply personal way]. We must make America pray again. Pray, get educated, get motivated, and stand with me and the legions of Americans asking God to bless our great nation, to bring our great nation back, and to make America great again.

“I’m proud to partner with Lee in this offering. He’s a very special man, both as a talent but maybe even more so as a human being, he’s very very special. And I think you all should get a copy of God Bless the USA Bible now and help spread our Christian values [OUR Christian values!] with others. There you have it. Let’s make America pray again. God bless you, and God bless the USA.”

No more obvious huckster walks the planet, so try to get into the Bizarro World head of somebody who’s listening to this bullshit, nodding firmly, and saying, “Yeah!” No worse thing can be said about America in 2024 than that tens of millions of its citizens buy this pathetic act.

Look at the upper corner of the screen shot. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS. There’s only one shown. IS THIS BIBLE OFFICIALLY ENDORSED BY PRESIDENT TRUMP? And comes the reassuring answer: Yes, this is the only Bible endorsed by President Trump!

It’s the only Bible that has President Trump’s official endorsement. How many Bibles has Pence endorsed? And he’s the goody goody one.

Give Trump a week. He’ll be charging extra for signed copies.

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